Dear wonderful humans of the Internet, this adulting shit is hard! September has probably been the most emotionally draining and mentally exhausting month for me I feel absolutely and utterly stuck while trying not to be swallowed whole by my impending depression and negative thoughts. When I was younger nobody told me it would be this hard to navigate life now I’m sitting in my bedroom on a Sunday morning right now wishing someone had and to top it all off I’m an overthinker by nature so basically I’m not striving because this is not my element. Nevertheless, I’m grateful because waking up every morning means God’s plan for my life is still in motion.
I’m exhausted and drained, I can’t even pretendDrake ‘Emotionless’
Large parts of my day are spent at a part-time job where I inadvertently daydream about the life I actually want and all the things I want to do before the time comes when I’ll be unable to; the feeling of complacency kicks in during these moments. I’ve completed my Associate degree and academically I’m ready to transfer my credits towards a bachelor’s program but financially my bank account is telling me to sit my ass down because that’s a lofty wall I don’t have the proper equipment to help me climb; this hurts because I love learning and genuinely enjoy taking midterms, finals and doing projects. Then the reality of how financially broke I am seeps in, now I’m fully aware money doesn’t equate to happiness but it does put you in a better position to acquire the things you want/need and at this present moment I have a lot of things I want/need like I’m ready to start my business but can’t.
I’m the friend or family member that is single majority of times, sometimes I’m okay with that and after spending the last 8 months loving a guy that needed to love himself first, I’m definitely not in any rush to dive into the dating world but that doesn’t mean I’m not lonely, I am human and seeing everyone around me romantically happy reminds me of that fact; I’m not jealous it’s just hard being the odd woman out sometimes. So here’s the truth, I’m in a place that no longer brings me the joy and satisfaction it used to, my academic life is drowning and I feel like I can’t save it right now cause I might drown with it too, I’m healing from a mini heartbreak while trying not to be reminded I’m that single friend, my bank account is not happy with me, the business idea is sitting on the shelf watching me patiently waiting for its time to shine and my depression is in the boxing ring, squaring up and ready to fight; this is adulting or at least the version I’m currently facing.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”Jeremiah 29:11
Here is the good news after a storm there’s always a rainbow and a little sunshine so I’m waiting for that vitamin D moment, if you can relate to this then my advice is to keep your head up it gets better, don’t give up!