Okay so maybe the uncomfortable truth is just for me, SEX IS A PLEASURABLE BUT OUTLANDISH MAZE I’M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT. This conclusion might stem from the fact that sex wasn’t a regular topic of discussion growing up and most of what I knew wasn’t enough to be considered knowledgeable.
My mother was a teen mom, she got pregnant at 17 and had me 4 months before she turned 18, I’m assuming this experience traumatized her in some way because she never spoke to me about sex, not even now and I’m 22! My mom is strange like that though, she doesn’t know how to say ‘I love you’ and all those other simple things children take for granted from emotionally available parents but I know my mom loves me, her actions prove it!
Her teenage pregnancy made me stay away from sex until I was 19 when the hormones finally kicked in and you know that feeling when boy meets girl and girl doesn’t understand what love is and boy thinks he does so sparks fly. . . I guess that’s a good way to explain it, don’t quote me on that.
I wasn’t in love when I lost my virginity, I don’t regret that experience because it opened my eyes and made me realize how uncomfortable I was with my body and my lack of knowledge about sex. Nevertheless, I continued to have sex, accepting the bare minimum and making excuses until August 2019.
“If you don’t know what you want, an inexperienced or even experienced person will give you what they think you want”Yeah you can quote me on this one
It was the 26 or 29 of August 2019 when I decided to stop having sex completely, I took a long break to do some soul searching, figure out what I disliked and liked about sex and cleanse myself from the pit of penis. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS! This time did me a lot of good, I spent 1 year and 2 months really trying to understand my sexual nature, vagina and better my sex knowledge with help from sexologist Shan BOODY (her YouTube is linked).
Here is what I learned (in a summarized version of course):
Disclaimer: I’ll be using sexual words that might make other people uncomfortable so read at your own risk.
I was uncomfortable with my body: I’ve always struggled with body positivity; it has affected my self-esteem level for years and it didn’t spare me when it came to sex. Now I’m not saying I’m 100% comfortable but I feel better about my body now than I did back then and for me that is major progress. If you have D cup and bigger size breast or a chubby tummy then you understand the love-hate body relationship I’m talking about.
Row your own boat and swim in your own ocean (EXPLORE YOUR BODY): I didn’t like masturbation because I felt like it was a sin (I grew up with Christianism beliefs) but nobody is going to pull a Christopher Columbus on me, sir I will discover my own body please and thank you lol! Fun and jokes aside, finding out what type of penetrations and stimulations you like is important because that helps with the big ‘O’ (orgasms).
Talk to your partner about your comforts and discomforts when it comes to sex: your partner can’t read your mind so you have to help them understand what you need and vice versa ask your partner what they need as well. Having a raw and honest conversation is the best way to go, good sex is a learning process, it doesn’t always happen naturally for some of us.
I learned a lot more that I might share in a part 2 (maybe depends on my mood) but thanks for reading! Feel free to share some sex knowledge, tips, and tricks if you wish.