I NEVER HAD TO PRETEND WITH HIM. Maybe that was the first sign telling me to run as far as I can from him, but he made me comfortable enough to spill my most treasured secrets, talk about my childhood trauma, mental health issues, and all the things I once thought were too heavy to bring into a relationship; he made them feel light.
Then he shared his past experiences and secrets to the point where he coined me his ‘amiga de confianza’ (trusted friend), his past experiences were nothing like mine, do you know that phrase I’ve been through some shit? He embodied it completely and at one point I was worried my mom would find out all about his past actions and beg me to leave him (she didn’t like him) maybe it was his ethnicity, culture or the fact that she would have chosen someone completely different for me if she could.
Don’t worry his past is forgivable well at least for me but then again I have a big heart and an understanding mind and I still believe in multiple chances and forgiving as much as God forgives me.
Our connection was instant, intense, and undeniably, I was happy, he made me happy and even though I couldn’t read minds I would like to think I made him happy and brought a little light to his darkness. In the beginning, he told me he would teach me many different things, he kept his promise because he taught me more than I anticipated, it wasn’t just sexual awakenings or a good grasp of the Spanish language.
I’ve never met someone so broken (emotionally) who didn’t have the same choices and opportunities as me, his upbringing and life was fight or flight. I’m grateful for my life and all the opportunities God blessed me with, a lot of people have it worse and he made me realize this.
For 2 months he supported my passions, dared me to reach for the stars and remain smart because brains over beauty wasn’t a bad thing and in return, I gave him the one thing he felt he didn’t deserve: love in its most unconditional, understanding and no bounds form. I’m emotionally available so it wasn’t a hard task for me.
The thing with humans is we are flawed and that is both a beautiful but frustrating quality in us, he is a very flawed human, and he chose to do very flawed things, I don’t hate him, I don’t love him any less instead I respect him for owning his flaws and telling me the truth instead of comforting me with a lie.
We aren’t together, I miss him, and I know I could message him right now on Whatsapp and get a response immediately or go over his house and not be turned away BUT I CAN’T. I have to allow him to be flawed and find his way back to me, I’ve never felt so many emotional aches, deep sadness, and pain but I can’t save him that power lies within himself and God.
He broke my heart (not in the way I’m used to) but opened my eyes, when you love something you are supposed to let it go and see if it comes back to you, right?
I’M PRAYING HE COMES BACK . . . . .