I think it was a midterm or final exam, I can’t remember which one it was right now, but I know I was talking to a classmate and expressing how nervous I was about taking the exam and she also shared my sentiments. The instructor walked in a few minutes after, everybody settled down and took their seats then my classmate wished me good luck and someone in the room said ‘Cassaniek doesn’t need luck she’s smart and she always passes.’
Now I’ve heard that statement a million times from primary school up until my final exams in college, it never fazed me because there was some truth to what I consider a slight over exaggeration on their part. I don’t fail exams but there was a period in time when I did fail because my grandma died, I was very depressed and gave up on life but that’s a discussion for another blog.
It’s not because I’m an Albert Einstein by-product – I’m certainly not –, the simple truth is I cannot afford to fail like literally I can’t afford to fail an exam because I would have pay (technically my mom would) to retake the course the next semester in college and I didn’t have the luxury (I still don’t).
Being ‘smart’ (I don’t like that word) and having a genuine love for academic learning contributed to my good grades but a second driving force would be that I’m from a lower-class family for sure.
‘Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better and your better is best.’I don’t who said this, but I learnt it in primary school, and it stuck with me.
I was taught to work hard for everything I wanted, there was no gold spoon in this mouth at birth and knowing I had big dreams meant life was going to give me a real fight and I could cry about it which is something I did a lot when I was younger. I choose to both fight and cry about it on my good days, don’t ask me what I do on a bad day.
I grew up in a female dominated family and let me tell y’all a secret I am probably one of the most stubborn and headstrong members, fourth to my grandmothers, mom and aunt Kerry-ann and this is a well-known fact amongst my family and even close friends. So, if I say I’m going to do something don’t even try to change my mind because I’m already planning how to execute it in my head.
Sometimes extreme frustration sets in when I can’t get stuff done immediately because I’m in the lower-class, my college education is a good example I want to study all the way to a PhD degree (yes, my love for academic learning is truly real), but I only have my associate’s degree so far, I know I have the academic capabilities but limited financial resources.
It also didn’t help my frustration when a friend would cheat in exams and fail courses in college, he is a middle-class kid with zero care about academia, and I was slightly if not very jealous because I wished for the things he took for granted. Dreams are placed in your heart and mind because God knows they belong there so I continue to work hard and pray for opportunities to get me where I need to be because many have been in my shoes and they persevered so I know I will too.
I’ve shared a lot of love, relationship and heartbreak stuff because it’s easier for me to write about these things but when it comes to really personal stuff like my mental health, social status and other things, it’s a little harder. The easy stuff takes a day to write, the hard ones take days or sometimes a week to write; I’m apprehensive and a little reluctant to share sometimes but I enjoy writing the hard stuff.
Thanks for reading, how is your weekend so far? I have drank zero glasses of wine so far and I’m not happy about this fact, it shall be duly corrected (I said that in my Daphne Bridgeton voice).